Loneliness. I have spent a lot of time thinking about it lately. If I am completely honest, it has kind of consumed my thoughts, and has made me pretty miserable. The truth is, I am and have been lonely, for almost a year.
My husband and I separated last July and we have been officially divorced for 6 months. We separated when our second child was only 2 months old, so I went from having one child with two parents, to being a single parent of two, and let me tell you… that is a pretty rough learning curve! For the first 6 months, I didn’t have time to catch my breath. After I got acclimated to being a single mom, and we got into our routine, I started to feel a void in my life. I started feeling terribly lonely.
Is it odd to feel lonely when you have two small children and never get a minute to yourself? I thought it was. But after falling asleep next to the same person for 11 years, it can be unsettling to find yourself alone.
The loneliness wasn’t about missing my ex. The truth is, I am extremely happy to be out of that relationship. What I do miss is the familiarity with another human being. I miss having someone to talk to after I have had a long day at work. I miss having someone to snuggle with on the couch while watching movies. I miss holding hands. I miss belonging to someone else.
I have been struggling with this lonely feeling. And the thing is, I have an AMAZING life! I have two beautiful children, a wonderful job, a supportive family and some of the best friends a person could hope for. Yet, I kept going back to this void I felt. It was overshadowing all of the really fantastic blessings in my life. So, I decided to shine some light on my void, and take action! I decided that I wasn’t going to just fill my void with another person, but instead focus my energy on loving and building a relationship with myself.
What to do When You’re Lonely
Start a Journal. Or Two.
Get those emotions out! Write ’em down. Type them in a word document. Download a journal app on your phone and pour your heart out. Get those thoughts, those feelings, those things you don’t want to admit to anyone in the world… get them out of your head! The process of writing down how you are feeling is incredibly therapeutic!
I started a journal the night I moved out of the house I had shared with my ex for so long. Writing in my journal was my therapy for the first few tumultuous weeks after I left. I can also read those entries now and feel proud of how far I have progressed and matured over the past year.
I also keep a gratitude journal, where I list everything I am grateful for. When I take a few minutes each day to be thankful for the big and small things in my life (shelter, food, my family), I find that I feel more centered.
Get Your Music On
Music is therapeutic. It helps get you out of your head and into a happy place! After I get my kids into bed, I grab my headphones and spend a little time dancing around my living room while listening to positive, happy music. I am sure I look ridiculous, but I always feel my mood improve after I have danced and listened to some great tunes.
I know, this may sound a little hokey, but stay with me. I found this amazing woman, named Grace, who records these beautiful, encouraging and incredibly helpful audio sessions that are accessible via your phone or computer. I downloaded the app and started listening to a few 10-minute sessions a day while I was at work. After each one, I could feel myself becoming more calm, centered, positive and better in general! I can’t tell you why it works, but I can tell you it does work! You can try it free for 10 days here.
I am a natural introvert, so going on a date with a stranger feels super weird to me, but going into a restaurant by myself is borderline torture. I have been doing it though. Because you know what? I love good food and going out to eat! I also feel it is beneficial to take myself out of my comfort zone every now and then. Growth happens in the pain and discomfort, after all.
But learning to eat on my own, be happy and content in my own company, and feel confident that I don’t need another person around to be happy has been enormously helpful to me.
Run, Run, Run!
Put your shoes on, go outside and run! If you can’t run, walk! Do it outside though! Feel the warm radiance of the sun on your skin. Feel the breeze of the wind. Feel your muscles getting oxygen and strength with each step you take. Feel the energy of change. Feel your spirit come to life and shed that dead skin.
Ask Yourself – What Makes You Happy?
If you’re at the end of a relationship, you have probably compromised yourself in one way or another. This is the perfect time to ask yourself some critical questions. What makes you happy? What do you want from your life? Where do you want to be 2 months from now? What about 6 months, a year, and 5 years from now?
Make a list of what you want for your life! DREAM BIG! Put down every single thing you want! Then turn your dreams into actionable items.
These things have helped me keep loneliness at bay. They have helped me grow into a happier, more independent person. I haven’t given up on love, mind you! I think there is someone out there who will make a great companion for me… but for now, I am doing pretty damn good where I am 🙂
All material on this website is provided for your information only and may not be construed as medical advice or instruction. Posts may contain affiliate links, which helps me buy supplies to make more great posts to share! Please see my Disclaimer Section for additional information.