I am just at the tail-end of an 11-year relationship that ended a couple months ago. I will say, for a divorce, we have managed to part ways fairly peacefully… no messy courtroom battles over assets or the custody of our children, and so I count myself lucky in that regard.
However, I did have a baby, get divorced, and move into a fixer-upper home, all within a 3 month period, and let me tell you… if you ever want to experience stress, that’s a sure-way to accomplish it (although, I personally don’t recommend it).
I can say that after 4 months of being on my own, I feel amazing. I thought I was a pretty strong person before, but oooh man, I could now run circles around my former self. I am so much more capable, resourceful and confident than I was at the beginning of the year. And while I have fought like hell, through tears and wounds, to get where I am at today, I am grateful for my new-found strength.
The miles of mud and barbwire you have to trudge through in the process, kind of suck. It’s beyond painful. It’ll makes you bleed. You will feel lonelier than you ever have in your whole life. But there are some things that can help you along your journey, and I want to share the strategies I used to get myself through the dark and cloudy days.
If you are considering a divorce, in the thick of it, or coming out the other end, I hope these 7 things to help you through a divorce will help bring you peace and comfort on hard days.
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Meditation has numerous health benefits. In helps reduce panic and anxiety attacks, lowers blood pressure, and makes you feel more peaceful and in control (speaking from experience, but there is quite a bit of data to back this up… here, here and here, if you’re interested in reading more).
If you are new to meditating, don’t be intimidated… it is not hard! It is really easy to do. I highly recommend watching Bex’s free videos on YouTube. She taught me how to meditate, and it has been the number one most helpful tool for when I am upset, hurt, angry, frustrated, and sad.
Hang up Positive Affirmations. Everywhere.
If you’re just coming out of a failing relationship, chances are your self-confidence has taken a bit of a bruising. You need some love. Give yourself some love! Pinterest is a great place to look for positive affirmations. Pick out your favorites, write them on paper, and hang them up all around your house. On your front door, your bathroom mirror, your bedroom door. Put words of love everywhere you look!
Get a Project
Keeping your mind busy will help the time pass to when you feel better. I happened to move into a rental property we owned that needed a lot of work. I inadvertently submerged myself into fixing up my home, which proved to be therapeutic for me. It kept me distracted, helped me feel like I was accomplishing something, and it also boosted my self-confidence that I was able to fix up my home without the help of my ex.
Of course, fixing up a home can cost quite a bit of money, and is not an option if you don’t happen to own your home, so you can also throw yourself into learning a new skill, such as learning a new language, learning to play an instrument, reading those books you’ve never made time for, volunteering, exercise, creating all of those amazing meals you’ve pinned on Pinterest but never made! Keep yourself busy!
A (Free) Spa Day
It doesn’t have to cost anything to give yourself a much-needed spa day. You can treat yourself (and your skin) with some DIY beauty recipes. I personally recommend plenty of baths with homemade bath salts, a honey and oatmeal facial scrub and a homemade foot soak. A good pedicure goes a long way, too!
Visualize and Create a Road Map of Your Dreams
Big transition times in your life are the perfect time to visualize your future, your dreams, and your aspirations and figure out what you want from life. I recently purchased a Passion Planner, which is a wonderful tool to list your dreams (from the smallest to the biggest!), and turn them into a roadmap of your future. It doubles as a day-planner, which is wonderful if you’re a single mom, like me, trying to juggle everything without dropping any balls.
Start Routines with your Kids
If you have children, you know that transitions can be difficult. I have worked on establishing special routines with my children, to make sure they are getting one-on-one time with me, in the midst of the chaos. On Fridays, my daughter and I do pedicures at home. On Saturdays we grocery shop. On Sundays, we bake a sweet treat. It makes her feel special, and I get quality time with her that I don’t want to miss, and we have so much fun together.
Have you been through a divorce? Do you have any words of wisdom to share? Please leave a comment below.